10 years ago today, I lost the most important person in my life. You would think after so many years it would get easier... it doesn't.
I remember the day like it just happened. Interesting enough, it was a day very similar to today in terms of weather and feel. It was cloudy, gloomy, humid and rain was off and on.
I had a lot of trouble getting through that day. I was sick to my stomach most of the day. I was paralyzed, mostly out of fear of the unknown. I didn't yet know she was gone... but I felt it.
I remember walking out of second period in tears and running into the office of my guidance counselor. She ekpt asking me if I wanted to call the hospital... I kept refusing.
I was completely silent most of the day at school. My friends didn't know what to make of it.
I remember VERY clearly getting off of the bus that used to leave me on the corner of my block. That half-block walk to my doorstep was the longest walk of my life.
When I got into my house you could hear a pin drop. Complete and utter silence. Nervous and afraid, I walked into my room and sat on the bed, almost as if I was waiting for something. Of course no more then a minute later my father comes into the room and asks to see me in the living room. I followed...
He sat me down and said to me,"Rob, Mommy couldn't take it anymore. She had to leave us." This announcement was followed by a hysterical cry that is embedded in my mind till this day. It was the very first time in my entire life that I witnessed my father cry. It took 16 years. I was hysterical as well and was frozen for several minutes. As soon as my mind cleared enough to stand, I ran upstairs to my grandfathers apartment. He was accompanied by my aunt. I opened the door and jumped into his arms in a world of hysterics, not even acknowledging that my aunt was there. This wasn't on purpose, he was just what I needed at that moment.
Soon after, I found myself wandering around outside my building and even into the street where I was grabbed by my best friend and brother till this day. I was held and consoled by his sister for probably the next 2 hours or so... I'll never forget all the love I was shown on that day. There were so many people there for me then.. and more importantly, the same exact people are here for me now. it's called family.
My mother left me with just enough to be able to grow, function and develop into a man. I miss her more then worlds can describe. We had a special bond that could only be shared by a mother and her son. I was very much a mamas boy. I don't deny it. In fact, I embrace it! All that I am today was made possible because of her. She is my ultimate inspiration, a fire that burns in my heart for all eternity. I am relentless. Every last thing I do is driven by her memory and ever bit of success I see is in her name... because that's how i want it to be.
ALL FOR YOU
I love you Mommy.
Now and Forever.